Name a poop you cannot stand.

[Andy Dufresne]

Phantom poops. I know I pooped, but where the hell did it go?

[Jimmie Dimmick]

the 5 wiper

no matter what, you can't get it clean without a hazmat suit and a power washer

[FrodoTBaggin]

the 5 wiper

no matter what, you can't get it clean without a hazmat suit and a power washer

These tend to lead to an itchy asshole about 30-45 minutes later...

[hawkeyealum]

that kind where you find yourself barely holding in a 3-2-1er in a public place with no crapper anywhere in site.

[Jimmie Dimmick]

the 5 wiper

no matter what, you can't get it clean without a hazmat suit and a power washer

These tend to lead to an itchy asshole about 30-45 minutes later...

that's what letter openers are for

[danish_hawkeye]

the day after a 12 pack of pbr and a dozen blazing hot wings poop

[MoneyPit]

The Pearl Harbor. You hear the buzzing of the planes (gurgling, cramping) and you're not sure what to expect. It could be your own planes and nothing to worry about. Maybe it will pass. And then, wham. All hell breaks loose.

[brantshawks]

The one after eating homemade bacon-wrapped jalapeño poppers and we forgot to take the seeds out is the top of the worst.

[jabberja]

The I really have to poop but I have another mile to go and there is someone on the treadmill right next to me.

[Judge Kemp]

Andy Dufresne

[jabberja]

The Pearl Harbor. You hear the buzzing of the planes (gurgling, cramping) and you're not sure what to expect. It could be your own planes and nothing to worry about. Maybe it will pass. And then, wham. All hell breaks loose.

Even worse yet if you're actually on a plane.

[Hawk4Life94]

Monkey tails. Seems like I'm on the pot for an hour.

[Vepr]

The ones packing so much methane they fizz like an Alka-Seltzer when they hit the water and keep bubbling. They usually smell so bad you stink yourself out of the restroom.

[gable_guy]

The dangler.

[brantshawks]

The dangler.

You need a brazilian.

[hurtztopee]

The one where your finger goes through the toilet paper. You have to smell your finger to see if that really just happened.

[FrodoTBaggin]

The ones packing so much methane they fizz like an Alka-Seltzer when they hit the water and keep bubbling. They usually smell so bad you stink yourself out of the restroom.

whoa

[ThePracticalPundit]

You have to smell your finger to see if that really just happened.

Well... you don't really have to. If it's something you enjoy, however, far be it for me to interfere.

[sergeanthulka]

1.) The 'defcon 5' poop.

2.) The 'Along Came Polly' poop. (I'm at the Dr's office & just clogged the toilet, there's no plunger, no fan, & everyone here just saw me go in' -- just happened to me Monday.)

3.) The 'Johnny Gosch' poop. No explanation given. It's personal.

4.) Your wife's.

[hawkeyealum]

ladies dont poop

[Serenity]

ladies dont poop

According to Mr. S females don't poop. Thus I have nothing to add to this thread. Other than to say that males are strange...

[jabberja]

ladies dont poop

That's why they get so much fatter as they age.

[Verbal]

The Molotov Cocktail

This one involves an urgent need to poop while at your future wife's uncle's place in Walford, Iowa where the toilets do not flush with any real authority or force. Your future wife's grandmother was in the only bathroom in the house for the preceding 40 minutes, but you have no real choice about being the follow-up act. You're not calling the shots anymore. The poop is firmly in control.

You're greeted by a revolting stench upon entry, but fight onward. You're disturbed by the shallowness of the water in the bowl, but there's no turning back. Business is taken care of; minimal toilet paper is used. No worries on a normal day.

But this is not a normal day. You flush, the water rises...and does not fall. Grandma poop, heretofore unseen, emerges from the pipe. There's a very real clog in play, and you're powerless to stop it. A combination of your poop and grandma's poop creeps perilously toward the rim, all the while the better part of a gallon of water has begun flowing onto the floor.

You panic. You quietly curse, trying desperately not to be heard by your future wife's family in the next room. You find the plunger and begin to go to work. More water (and some poop) is displaced onto the floor.

The clog is taken care of. Now, what about the mess? The crappiest towels in the room are your future wife's aunts $40/apiece monogrammed set. Another wave of cursing gets your future wife and future mother-in-law's attention.

You request towels, and future mother-in-law produces some from a hall closet. You explain, in a bold and thereafter unrivaled display of untruth, that you merely took a piss and the toilet erupted upon flushing, placing blame for the entire ordeal on your future wife's grandma. The story is believed. 8 years later, your secret remains intact, and the story has somehow never gotten back to your wife's grandmother about the day a volatile mixture of twenty-something and septuagenarian poop met a rural Iowa plumbing system and exploded with fury upon the floor, your soul, and hopes of becoming an esteemed member of the family.

That's a poop I cannot stand.

[Sy Parrish]

the extreme wiper....

[TH1974]

The Molotov Cocktail

This one involves an urgent need to poop while at your future wife's uncle's place in Walford, Iowa where the toilets do not flush with any real authority or force. Your future wife's grandmother was in the only bathroom in the house for the preceding 40 minutes, but you have no real choice about being the follow-up act. You're not calling the shots anymore. The poop is firmly in control.

You're greeted by a revolting stench upon entry, but fight onward. You're disturbed by the shallowness of the water in the bowl, but there's no turning back. Business is taken care of; minimal toilet paper is used. No worries on a normal day.

But this is not a normal day. You flush, the water rises...and does not fall. Grandma poop, heretofore unseen, emerges from the pipe. There's a very real clog in play, and you're powerless to stop it. A combination of your poop and grandma's poop creeps perilously toward the rim, all the while the better part of a gallon of water has begun flowing onto the floor.

You panic. You quietly curse, trying desperately not to be heard by your future wife's family in the next room. You find the plunger and begin to go to work. More water (and some poop) is displaced onto the floor.

The clog is taken care of. Now, what about the mess? The crappiest towels in the room are your future wife's aunts $40/apiece monogrammed set. Another wave of cursing gets your future wife and future mother-in-law's attention.

You request towels, and future mother-in-law produces some from a hall closet. You explain, in a bold and thereafter unrivaled display of untruth, that you merely took a piss and the toilet erupted upon flushing, placing blame for the entire ordeal on your future wife's grandma. The story is believed. 8 years later, your secret remains intact, and the story has somehow never gotten back to your wife's grandmother about the day a volatile mixture of twenty-something and septuagenarian poop met a rural Iowa plumbing system and exploded with fury upon the floor, your soul, and hopes of becoming an esteemed member of the family.

That's a poop I cannot stand.


+1.

[HoundedHawk]

Phantom poops. I know I pooped, but where the hell did it go?

The "ghost" went to the top of the loop of the internal air trap.
http://www.penguintoilets.com/cartimages/art_lg_14.gif

[CSlapnicka]

Phantom poops. I know I pooped, but where the hell did it go?

I know where it went--the middle of the sidewalk in downtown Des Moines last Sunday morning about 7:30 am, vicinity 7th & Locust. All week I've been wondering who would leave behind such a deposit, and what were the circumstances? Now I won't worry about it any longer. Thanks.

[Andy Dufresne]

Phantom poops. I know I pooped, but where the hell did it go?

I know where it went--the middle of the sidewalk in downtown Des Moines last Sunday morning about 7:30 am, vicinity 7th & Locust. All week I've been wondering who would leave behind such a deposit, and what were the circumstances? Now I won't worry about it any longer. Thanks.

Good to know. Thanks.

[MickerHawk]

ladies dont poop

That's why they get so much fatter as they age.

:rotf:

Oh, and I agree with the 5 wiper that's really closer to a 7 wiper. The courtesy flush is for yourself in lieu of stopping up the toilet with all that TP.

Oh, and yes Serenity, men are strange, but poop threads are preferable to childbirth threads any ol' day.

[Serenity]

ladies dont poop

That's why they get so much fatter as they age.

:rotf:

Oh, and I agree with the 5 wiper that's really closer to a 7 wiper. The courtesy flush is for yourself in lieu of stopping up the toilet with all that TP.

Oh, and yes Serenity, men are strange, but poop threads are preferable to childbirth threads any ol' day.

Hmm... Childbirth thread... now that's an idea :)

[Andy Dufresne]

That's why they get so much fatter as they age.

:rotf:

Oh, and I agree with the 5 wiper that's really closer to a 7 wiper. The courtesy flush is for yourself in lieu of stopping up the toilet with all that TP.

Oh, and yes Serenity, men are strange, but poop threads are preferable to childbirth threads any ol' day.

Hmm... Childbirth thread... now that's an idea :)

Link (http://www.hawkeyelounge.com/showthread.php?t=61275)

[Andy Dufresne]

ladies dont poop

That's why they get so much fatter as they age.

:rotf:

Oh, and I agree with the 5 wiper that's really closer to a 7 wiper. The courtesy flush is for yourself in lieu of stopping up the toilet with all that TP.
.

I have given a couple courtesy flushes before.

[MickerHawk]

Link (http://www.hawkeyelounge.com/showthread.php?t=61275)

No, that's not a childbirth thread. At least, not the way chicks talk about it.

Childbirth conversations are the ones guaranteed to get any man to leave the room, and right quick.

It's real, and it's hurltastic.

[TH1974]

Oh, and I agree with the 5 wiper that's really closer to a 7 wiper. The courtesy flush is for yourself in lieu of stopping up the toilet with all that TP.

Gotta get a 'clean break'.

[Sambud]

the 5 wiper

no matter what, you can't get it clean without a hazmat suit and a power washer

These tend to lead to an itchy asshole about 30-45 minutes later...

Where's your houseboy when you need him?

[hurtztopee]

The upper decker(that is when you shit in the upper tank of the toilet). Or one of my favorites is the AC Slater shit(this is when you sit and shit backwards on the toilet).

[Gushawk]

After this morning's experience, I'm going with the post-Indian cuisine poop, particularly after I ask for it "spicy."