Does this guy want advice?

[Mrs. BLP]

A guy at my church has been a widower for several years. The last few Sundays he has been seeking me out to update me as to his dating problems. He does not seem to get that when someone says: ”It’s not you, it’s me.” - it probably is most likely them.

I have tried to listen sympathetically and offer a few suggestions but have so far steered clear of brutal honesty. He seems to be taking the “whatever is in God’s plan” approach. I am more in the camp of “God helps those who help themselves” so his methodology of picking poor targets and hoping it works out makes no sense to me. He keeps asking me to pray for him. Frankly, at this point I pray that he quits making dumb choices, not that his current situation is successful, because it never will be.

Do you think he wants the truth?

[nolookpass]

how old is he?

I know a dude thats in his mid 40s, makes good money and has a high profile job that cant find a good women to date.

[Mrs. BLP]

40ish

[nolookpass]

40ish

tell him to use liberal amounts of Old Spice.

[Mrs. BLP]

40ish

tell him to use liberal amounts of Old Spice.

That would be pretty low on the list of what I'd like to say. But thanks for the suggestion. It probably can't hurt.

[hawkchick79]

how old is he?

I know a dude thats in his mid 40s, makes good money and has a high profile job that cant find a good women to date.

Early 40s or late 40s?

[brantshawks]

I'd honestly tell him to try one of the big online dating sites. I've had some friends that have met very good people for them through it.

[nolookpass]

how old is he?

I know a dude thats in his mid 40s, makes good money and has a high profile job that cant find a good women to date.

Early 40s or late 40s?

46

[Mrs. BLP]

I'd honestly tell him to try one of the big online dating sites. I've had some friends that have met very good people for them through it.

He claims he's tried it. I'd bet that there is something in his profile that is not appealing. Or he's not interested in the women that have responded to it.

[CUIHAWk]

I'd honestly tell him to try one of the big online dating sites. I've had some friends that have met very good people for them through it.

He claims he's tried it. I'd bet that there is something in his profile that is not appealing. Or he's not interested in the women that have responded to it.

When he talks about having multiple cats, that's when they click to the next guy...

[ISUFan98]

I'd honestly tell him to try one of the big online dating sites. I've had some friends that have met very good people for them through it.

...Or he's not interested in the women that have responded to it.

Based on some of the women my friend has dated after having met on Match.com, there's some truth in your fellow parishoner's argument.

[hawkchick79]

how old is he?

I know a dude thats in his mid 40s, makes good money and has a high profile job that cant find a good women to date.

Early 40s or late 40s?

46

Hmmm...pass on my number. :p

[PhilHartman]

Tell him God hates him. not many normal chicks are going to be interested in a man in his 40s who still goes to church. Grow up already.

[Monster]

The gender he's choosing to date is not the gender he is longing for, if you smell what I'm cooking.

[Mrs. BLP]

Tell him God hates him. not many normal chicks are going to be interested in a man in his 40s who still goes to church. Grow up already.

He may not be looking for normal.

[Gushawk]

Does he have a realistic assessment of his own attractiveness and the level of mate he can reasonably expect to land?

[MikeyJoe]

Does he have a realistic assessment of his own attractiveness and the level of mate he can reasonably expect to land?
I picked up Freakonomics the other day, and the story about online dating sites is interesting. If Online dating profiles are to be believed, the people using them are generally wealthier, taller, and thinner than the population as a whole. Something like 75% of them describe themselves as at least "above average" attractiveness.

[hawkeyealum]

Pretty sure he just wants to get in your pants.

[boneshawk]

Early 40s or late 40s?

46

Hmmm...pass on my number. :p

http://images2.cinema.de/imedia/0529/2150529,MRum1fCz2O6_eLuS_9LWpLPsl+_dc+gypBT4ClHIYR snm+EWsaVCjwlRbnp_jUqxpD4DpoIEurcPu_c64MAIyg==.jpg

[L. Wade Childress]

is he ugly?

[hawkchick79]

46

Hmmm...pass on my number. :p

http://images2.cinema.de/imedia/0529/2150529,MRum1fCz2O6_eLuS_9LWpLPsl+_dc+gypBT4ClHIYR snm+EWsaVCjwlRbnp_jUqxpD4DpoIEurcPu_c64MAIyg==.jpg

I'm sure he has a 5 year plan. ;)

[BBK]

Just provide him with information on a few porn sights and some lube. Then if he's still lonely suggest that he get a cat.

[bearbull24.5]

Just provide him with information on a few porn sights and some lube. Then if he's still lonely suggest that he get a cat.

lol

[Mrs. BLP]

Does he have a realistic assessment of his own attractiveness and the level of mate he can reasonably expect to land?

Probably not but I don't think this is the current insurmountable detail. Religious differences are significant and he has several children which would be intimidating for someone without any.

is he ugly?

He's not ugly but he would benefit from a makeover.

[hawkchick79]

Does he have a realistic assessment of his own attractiveness and the level of mate he can reasonably expect to land?

Does any guy?

[brantshawks]

Does he have a realistic assessment of his own attractiveness and the level of mate he can reasonably expect to land?

Does any guy?

Yes.

[Gushawk]

Does he have a realistic assessment of his own attractiveness and the level of mate he can reasonably expect to land?

Probably not but I don't think this is the current insurmountable detail. Religious differences are significant and he has several children which would be intimidating for someone without any.

is he ugly?

He's not ugly but he would benefit from a makeover.

This guy's seeking a woman he's not going to find.

[Legend12]

Being (almost) 40, ugly, and single I can attest that if a man cannot get laid/a date in these times he is a complete and utter failure. (Imagine Castic x's 10)

[xr4ticlone]

One word....RUSSIA.

He'll not only find a chick...he'll have his choice of thousands of hot chicks half his age and older.

It's what I'd do.

[Mrs. G]

Pretty sure he just wants to get in your pants.

This is kind of what I was thinking, and to top it all off, if BLP goes to church with the Mrs., then this other guy has actually "sized" BLP up and decided he can 'steal' the Mrs. BLP away from him.

Here's my advice to Mrs. BLP: Tell him, "You know, women your age rarely fall for the whole 'nice guys always finish last' angle. Afterall, who wants to date someone that uses a 'feel sorry for me' pick-up line? My advice to you is to get a harley and buy some leather."

[Mrs. G]

Being (almost) 40, ugly, and single I can attest that if a man cannot get laid/a date in these times he is a complete and utter failure. (Imagine Castic x's 10)

. . . . . and you are offering to watch our kids for us?

BTW, if you don't have any of your own kids, what are you doing attending Ankeny dance recitals? Pedophile?

[hawkeyealum]

he was doing research for when they turn 18.

[L. Wade Childress]

he should buy a big boat.

[Legend12]

Being (almost) 40, ugly, and single I can attest that if a man cannot get laid/a date in these times he is a complete and utter failure. (Imagine Castic x's 10)

. . . . . and you are offering to watch our kids for us?

BTW, if you don't have any of your own kids, what are you doing attending Ankeny dance recitals? Pedophile?

A) I thought I was being neighborly.

B) I was dating Lil G's teacher/instructor

[Monster]

Pretty sure he just wants to get in your pants.

This is kind of what I was thinking, and to top it all off, if BLP goes to church with the Mrs., then this other guy has actually "sized" BLP up and decided he can 'steal' the Mrs. BLP away from him.

Here's my advice to Mrs. BLP: Tell him, "You know, women your age rarely fall for the whole 'nice guys always finish last' angle. Afterall, who wants to date someone that uses a 'feel sorry for me' pick-up line? My advice to you is to get a harley and buy some leather."

There is absolutely no way he's angling for Mrs. BLP. Not that she's not angle-worthy. ;) It just ain't it.

[Mrs. BLP]

Here's my advice to Mrs. BLP: Tell him, "You know, women your age rarely fall for the whole 'nice guys always finish last' angle. Afterall, who wants to date someone that uses a 'feel sorry for me' pick-up line? My advice to you is to get a harley and buy some leather."

You've correctly identified the big problem. He has no confidence and that is not an attractive quality.

I don't think I'd suggest a motorcycle. His kids are half orphans as it is. But the idea is in the vein of what I've tried to suggest. Be interested in things, read interesting things, in so many words (that I can't say)...be interesting and people will want to be around you. Don't try to force something that isn't right. There is plenty of time later in the relationship to be annoyed with each other. If that is happening in the first weeks and months, that's no good.

[BBK]

Here's my advice to Mrs. BLP: Tell him, "You know, women your age rarely fall for the whole 'nice guys always finish last' angle. Afterall, who wants to date someone that uses a 'feel sorry for me' pick-up line? My advice to you is to get a harley and buy some leather."

be interesting and people will want to be around you.

http://www.waltsense.com/storage/dosequis_interesting.jpg

[Mrs. BLP]

Here's my advice to Mrs. BLP: Tell him, "You know, women your age rarely fall for the whole 'nice guys always finish last' angle. Afterall, who wants to date someone that uses a 'feel sorry for me' pick-up line? My advice to you is to get a harley and buy some leather."

be interesting and people will want to be around you.

http://www.waltsense.com/storage/dosequis_interesting.jpg

Exactly.

[BBK]

It sounds like he just needs these two things:

http://images.usatoday.com/weather/_photos/2006/02/01/apvaselineintensivecarelotion.jpg

http://www.largeincharge.com/covers/2008/L.I.C.July2008.jpg