**2026 Iowa Basketball Offseason & Transfer Portal Thread**

Revolver

Will Ruin Your Thread and Crush Your Dreams
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Up there for the greatest season in the history of television. May be on top of the mountain. It was perfect.
 

26.2

Vacations at the Wisconsin Dells
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Up there for the greatest season in the history of television. May be on top of the mountain. It was perfect.
Fourth season of The Wire is the greatest season in the history of television.
That Fargo second season is pretty fucking good though. Didn't think they could top the first with Billy Bob, but they did
 

Thrawn II

Might Need to GFH
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My boss just got his done in Turkey. $2800

He said half of the people on his flight out had bandages around their heads from it. I guess it's the place to go for it.
I had a fascinating Turkish massage once in some dark alley in Istanbul. The guy was about 5'6", ripped, and the hairiest human I've ever seen. He wore only a small towel around his waist. He stood me up, stuck me in a shower, then marched me into a sauna.

Ten minutes later, he comes in, pulls the towel off of me, marches me to a small pool, and shoves me in it. It was a very cold plunge pool. He lifts me out, and takes me into a Turkish bath, which is a steam room with a center marble counter. He fills a basin and douses me with buckets of water, pulling the towel off of me everytime I try to cover.

Next, he puts on two loofa (sp?)mitts and has at me, proudly showing me piles of exfoliated skin particles. This is followed by buckets of water. Finally, he slams me onto the marble counter and gives me a very deep tissue massage.

I am led to the shower, and then to a quiet recovery room where he gives me a cold glass of fresh orange juice and an English newspaper.

It was incredible.
 

Pedro

Athletic Lumberjack
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I rank the "all-time" stories thusly:

1. New Orleans
2. Spartan Wife Slammer
3. Turkish Massage

Also, wasn't there one where somebody came home to find his wife getting railed and then got in a fight with the naked dude while he was sporting a rager?
 

Thomas Wolsey

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New Orleans is right out.
The list goes
1) Turkish Massage
2) Beebs wanking it in a DC basement
3) Pierces more recent 50 shades of grey story
 

douglasbader

Said Tom Brady's Career Was Over in 2008
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im an ally. I'm not personally LGBT or Q but im a strong ally, especially to those who r questioning. Just last week I had a young man over for dinner, a handsome young 20 yr old junior in college whom I met at the mall the night before and he had confided in me that he was questioning. I said let's see if we figure this out together and I pulled up some gay porn on my computer and we watched it together, then I said ok my friend pull down ur pants and ur underwear and let's c what we have. He did that and i saw that he was fully erect so I grabbed the lotion and I applied a big glob to his priapus and vigorously rubbed it, then I whispered in his ear "r u still questioning? U think u might b gay? R u trans? R u a lesbian? Do u want to question me?" Then I pulled down my pants and things really got hot. But the crazy part of the story is the next day this lady knocks on my door and she claims to b his mom and she's all mad and says ur at least 30 yrs older than my son and u took advantage of him, u chicken hawked him. I said lol lady I didn't chicken hawk anybody, I'm an ally, and he was questioning. But she wouldn't let it go just standing there yapping and I had enough so I punched her in the face and she goes off crying says she's gonna b back with the cops to arrest me so I yelled lol ok lady u do that, go call the cops.

Never saw her again. Lol
 

neshawk

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I had a fascinating Turkish massage once in some dark alley in Istanbul. The guy was about 5'6", ripped, and the hairiest human I've ever seen. He wore only a small towel around his waist. He stood me up, stuck me in a shower, then marched me into a sauna.

Ten minutes later, he comes in, pulls the towel off of me, marches me to a small pool, and shoves me in it. It was a very cold plunge pool. He lifts me out, and takes me into a Turkish bath, which is a steam room with a center marble counter. He fills a basin and douses me with buckets of water, pulling the towel off of me everytime I try to cover.

Next, he puts on two loofa (sp?)mitts and has at me, proudly showing me piles of exfoliated skin particles. This is followed by buckets of water. Finally, he slams me onto the marble counter and gives me a very deep tissue massage.

I am led to the shower, and then to a quiet recovery room where he gives me a cold glass of fresh orange juice and an English newspaper.

It was incredible.
Happy ending?
 

Orestes

Wears Gloves When He Mows
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im an ally. I'm not personally LGBT or Q but im a strong ally, especially to those who r questioning. Just last week I had a young man over for dinner, a handsome young 20 yr old junior in college whom I met at the mall the night before and he had confided in me that he was questioning. I said let's see if we figure this out together and I pulled up some gay porn on my computer and we watched it together, then I said ok my friend pull down ur pants and ur underwear and let's c what we have. He did that and i saw that he was fully erect so I grabbed the lotion and I applied a big glob to his priapus and vigorously rubbed it, then I whispered in his ear "r u still questioning? U think u might b gay? R u trans? R u a lesbian? Do u want to question me?" Then I pulled down my pants and things really got hot. But the crazy part of the story is the next day this lady knocks on my door and she claims to b his mom and she's all mad and says ur at least 30 yrs older than my son and u took advantage of him, u chicken hawked him. I said lol lady I didn't chicken hawk anybody, I'm an ally, and he was questioning. But she wouldn't let it go just standing there yapping and I had enough so I punched her in the face and she goes off crying says she's gonna b back with the cops to arrest me so I yelled lol ok lady u do that, go call the cops.

Never saw her again. Lol
Picturing this being typed on a work computer in a cubicle by the guy in the picture with Howler is what makes this really funny.
 

6deuce

Reformed Fatass
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im an ally. I'm not personally LGBT or Q but im a strong ally, especially to those who r questioning. Just last week I had a young man over for dinner, a handsome young 20 yr old junior in college whom I met at the mall the night before and he had confided in me that he was questioning. I said let's see if we figure this out together and I pulled up some gay porn on my computer and we watched it together, then I said ok my friend pull down ur pants and ur underwear and let's c what we have. He did that and i saw that he was fully erect so I grabbed the lotion and I applied a big glob to his priapus and vigorously rubbed it, then I whispered in his ear "r u still questioning? U think u might b gay? R u trans? R u a lesbian? Do u want to question me?" Then I pulled down my pants and things really got hot. But the crazy part of the story is the next day this lady knocks on my door and she claims to b his mom and she's all mad and says ur at least 30 yrs older than my son and u took advantage of him, u chicken hawked him. I said lol lady I didn't chicken hawk anybody, I'm an ally, and he was questioning. But she wouldn't let it go just standing there yapping and I had enough so I punched her in the face and she goes off crying says she's gonna b back with the cops to arrest me so I yelled lol ok lady u do that, go call the cops.

Never saw her again. Lol
I don't know why, but that part always cracks me up the most.
 

Fletch

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StinkyMcFadden

She/Her
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