**2017–18 Offseason Thread**

Berzerkenpas

Berzerkenpas

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Gushawk said:
The Dad said:
AZmess said:
Get pissed.
Click to expand...
I’LL FUCKING MURDER YOU AND SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH!!!!!
Click to expand...
Seems the order should be reversed for maximum effect
Click to expand...
Yes, but shouldn't the sentence establish a clear causal link between the shit and the murder?

I'll murder you by taking a giant shit in your mouth is too wordy, and the participial phrase kills the sentence momentum.

The shit I will take in your mouth will kill you gets points for the punch of its closing spondee, but something about repetition of "will" robs the threat of some power.

Shit should probably be changed from an action verb to a noun, perhaps along the lines of: you'll die from my shit in your mouth, or the more specific you'll drown on my shit in your mouth.

Personally, I prefer you'll choke to death on my shit adding and my unwiped asshole will be the last thing you see on this miserable earth, just for kicks.

Of course, if the speaker really feels that the life-taking, shit-birthing power of his or her rectum is really where the emphasis needs to be, more so than on the wretched life of the victim, well, there's always when you choke to death on my shit, my unwiped asshole will be the last thing you see on this miserable earth, which is positively operatic, and checks a lot of boxes, I'll tell ya.

Shit, mouth, death. So many syntactic possibilities. So many lustrous visuals.
 
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Berzerkenpas

Berzerkenpas

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anyway, stanley is going to skull fuck the B10 this year
 
Thomas Wolsey

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Berzerkenpas said:
Gushawk said:
The Dad said:
I’LL FUCKING MURDER YOU AND SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH!!!!!
Click to expand...
Seems the order should be reversed for maximum effect
Click to expand...
Yes, but shouldn't the sentence establish a clear causal link between the shit and the murder?

I'll murder you by taking a giant shit in your mouth is too wordy, and the participial phrase kills the sentence momentum.

The shit I will take in your mouth will kill you gets points for the punch of its closing spondee, but something about repetition of "will" robs the threat of some power.

Shit should probably be changed from an action verb to a noun, perhaps along the lines of: you'll die from my shit in your mouth, or the more specific you'll drown on my shit in your mouth.

Personally, I prefer you'll choke to death on my shit adding and my unwiped asshole will be the last thing you see on this miserable earth, just for kicks.

Of course, if the speaker really feels that the life-taking, shit-birthing power of his or her rectum is really where the emphasis needs to be, more so than on the wretched life of the victim, well, there's always when you choke to death on my shit, my unwiped asshole will be the last thing you see on this miserable earth, which is positively operatic, and checks a lot of boxes, I'll tell ya.

Shit, mouth, death. So many syntactic possibilities. So many lustrous visuals.
Click to expand...
This is the most I’ve ever thought or read about the topic.
 
The Dad

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I’m murdering him then shitting in his mouth.
 
Gushawk

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English is a beautiful and complex language, boys. But not as beautiful as Nate Stanley’s powerful and pro-digious arm, which I’ve been admiring for quite some time now.
 
cloudhawk

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I can't decide if he's more from the Lanning mold, or Kempt-like
 
Wanderer

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You know what I like? Something that just happened to me. Getting a like from @Squat Cobbler. That's right, Squat Cobbler. Seems like a nice poster and anyone who gives himself the name Squat Cobbler is OK by me.

 
Lime

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Carter Page said:
I honestly wasn't aware that many Missouri players were drafted. They still suck.
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They were pretty damn good under Pinkel. 5 top 20 finishes in his last nine seasons including two top 5 ones. Big 12 North and SEC East but still pretty solid.
 
Carter Page

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Good snippet on Foster. Hard not to love this guy.

“I had to come to the realization that I’ve got to step out of my comfort zone to put myself in a better position for my education purposes and my future purposes,” said Foster, 31. “So I challenge these guys to step outside of their box. Sometimes when we’re around something so long, we get accustomed and comfortable to that environment.”

Foster said he’s been heartened to see some Southern athletes visit Iowa City this spring and summer.

“The reaction from these young men and their parents, is, ‘Wow, I didn’t know it was like this.’ And so one thing I tell them is, ‘Listen, don’t try to focus on what your perception is of this place until you can put your eyes on it and it experience it for yourself.’”

Foster dispelled the notion that Iowa is merely targeting Southern football players who have “fallen through the cracks” and aren’t getting looked at by local powerhouses such as Alabama, Georgia and Auburn.

“It’s about finding and identifying talent,” he said.

“I think the coaches down there are definitely looking forward to developing relationships with us and trying to start that small pipeline."
Click to expand...
https://www.hawkcentral.com/story/sports/college/iowa/football/2018/07/12/hawkeyes-recruiting-derrick-foster-running-backs-hawkeye-recruiting-south-sec-alabam-georgia-auburn/778829002/
 
YugoslavianMountainHound

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Yeah I like the Foster hire more and more. Extra assistant spot so they used it on a guy who young and hungry and probably outside their comfort zone (although he worked with Wallace in GA and was clearly recommended through that spot). My recollection is they interviewed him last year when Copeland/Polasek got hired and basically said ... check in next year.
 
Bob

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Lime said:
Carter Page said:
I honestly wasn't aware that many Missouri players were drafted. They still suck.
Click to expand...
They were pretty damn good under Pinkel. 5 top 20 finishes in his last nine seasons including two top 5 ones. Big 12 North and SEC East but still pretty solid.
Click to expand...
When Kuligowski was there they had some monster D Lines too.
 
T

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Fant checked it at 6 (top offense player) on Bruce Feldmans college football freaks list on The Athletic..

6. Noah Fant, Iowa, TE
Fant wasn’t a big recruit coming out of Nebrantska. The Hawkeyes beat the Cornhuskers and Vanderbilt to get the versatile athlete who also excelled as a high jumper, triple jumper and basketball player. Fant has added about 25 pounds since arriving at Iowa two years ago. In 2017, he emerged as a real weapon, making 30 receptions for 494 yards and 11 touchdowns. Word is, 6-5, 243-pound Fant has put up remarkable numbers for a tight end in offseason testing, including a 42-inch vertical, a 10-yard dash of 1.48 and a pro agility shuttle time of 3.95. That shuttle time would beat the best recorded by any tight end at the NFL combine in recent memory. This year, Mike Gesicki’s 4.10 time was tops at the position.

https://theathletic.com/424574/2018/07/13/bruce-feldmans-2018-college-football-freaks-list/
 
douglasbader

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Iowa has 2 legitimate freaks of nature on the team this year. Fant and Epenesa are going to be special.
 
Dr. Zaius

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Alaric Jackson and Tristan Wirfs are going to be beasts on the line too
 
BngHawk

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Sounds like this is finally the national championship year, boyz.

Grease up your rockets. We’re going to the moon.
 
FrodoTBaggin

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Iowa vs. Missouri on BTN. That 2010 team was scary talented. Damn shame.
 
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